deep think. simple say.

You can ask if I'm ok, but I won’t answer. But I know you care in the good way. Also, you'll be able to tell because I'm hooked to a heart monitor. If it beats 68 four times then 76 once, well, then you're going to know. I can get a bless if I need it and I can get a bless even if I don’t. Write the letters and feel the pain but let the words fill it and heal it. Don’t let others feel the same sadness. Hide and don’t let them find you. Childhood game. So it’s ok. Sometimes I feel my face and the ocean water must have spit on me. Salt stays dried on my cheeks, and stings my eyes. The earth rids the reality of it. 10 seconds on TV and 100 words in news print. Shocks roll in and out, no expectation. No prep.   I put my head in the cold, dark ocean; no one can hear the scream. Watched the sun go down to shed tears in the dark. I feel like it can pass now. This time I’ll let it travel through instead of washing over my crippled mass. Rolling me, scraping me. I bled.      

where i come from.... blue skies white fluffy clouds fresh air cool, but warm....clean breeze with the sun greenest grasses sound of meadowlarks sprinklers in the distance dad smells like mowed lawn clean hearing fish surface in the pond fishing fourwheeling through the ice cold stream getting up before the day to run dirt roads thin air watching the sunrise crisp mornings with dew working next to nature quaking aspens fluttering picnics l.a.u.g.h.i.n.g. country music tan, heat ice cold water streams gushing water afternoon rain showers family dinner on the back porch deep blue silhouetted mountains laying in the hammock soft bawling of calves the mew of an elk herd campfire smell bonfire stories and songs pitch black skies a million stars coats and holding hands smores ping pong tournaments in the barn heaven going to bed with the sound of paradise and when i wake up...? i do it all again. this is my home.

sleep. zzzzzz.............. i dont know about you but i dont have a bubble above my head when i sleep with a bunch of z's filling it up. when im trying to fall asleep and things are crazy in my head, magical sheep with numbers painted on them dont appear. and the sandman? honestly... im still trying to figure that one out but i have a baseball bat under my bed just in case. sand doesnt feel good in your eyes. but i still love sleep. its my paradise. i can do things i cant do in reality. reality. i dont fly. i cant breathe underwater. i cant speak spanish. i dont know how to tie a slip knot. my toothpaste always seems to be out. my spreadable butter is unspreadable. my hair doesnt look like the girl in the magazine. my shower lies to me and tells me i can sing. my clothes change color when i get to school and makes them not match. 2 + 2 isnt 5 anymore. its 6? thats how well math goes. the stop lights go from green to red. forget yellow. yellow isnt a creative color anymore i guess

failure turns to revenge. disappointment to anger. my tears to loathing. couRAGE isn't happiness. couRAGE isn't glory. couRAGE is sometimes ugly. "show me a man who has never failed....and i'll show you a man who has never tried" we need to fall. scrape my knee. make me bleed. ill be better than you. stronger than you. faster than you. if you make me fall nine times... you're only making me get up ten.