deep think. simple say.

Caress her face. Look into her eyes. SEE HER. I don't claim to be an expert, but to me... Love and romance are the time you spend NOT making love.  It's the between times. ALL of them. Love is about a lot of things; When you wake up in the middle of the night and kiss behind her ear, ust because you crave to touch her skin. It's  telling her she's beautiful, especially when she has no makeup on. Spoil her. Not with material things-- with time. Give her all of your undivided attention. Shower her in your love. Don't just make her "feel" like she's the only woman in the world; Show her she IS the only woman in your world. That's all that matters. It's about staring at her and watching her dance around a crowded room, and when she catches you... don't look away.  Smile back and mouth "i love you." It's about walking with your hand on her lower back and  protecting her from not just ...

Flashback to when I thought I loved you. And yet, today, my love grows for you still. Day by day.  You still give me butterflies with a simple look, even after nearly 4 years together.... I think from the first moment I saw you I felt some force, greater than ourselves, “pulling” me to you. Some days I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that God put you in my path for us to meet again. Because I truly believe I loved you long before 2014.  I’m so crazy stupid in love with you Rathen J. Always have been, always will be. But probably even more tomorrow than I do today and today is even greater than yesterday.... I know I can be hard to live with and the past two years have been hard, because of my health.  You’ll never truly know the depth of the guilt I feel over that... but the only thing I hope you can ALWAYS know is how much you mean to me and how much you DO for me, even within the simplest of gestures.  It’s true that we don...

Her cherry red paint job is only as red as the blood that pumps through our heart as we push down the gas pedal, all the way to the floor, just to get rolling along. After the surgery, her fixed power steering only endeared us more. More than just a way of transportation, Sheila was and always will be a fighter-and a lover. In the immortalized words of Billy Joel "And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free. Yeah, she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me." Credit Given and Written: Adam Smith, September 8, 2017

Im broken. And everyone knows it. I hold back the dam that threatens to overflow everyday. I have to be strong. To say I'm fine, when clearly I'm not. I hate being "that" girl. The girl who holds others back. My whole life was built on pulling people up. On making everyone around me better and to help them find a higher version of themselves. Not anymore. I can feel myself holding my husband back, holding my family back, holding myself back. And I wish I could ask for help. Really, I do. Because I would. I would ask for help, if I knew what they'd do would actually help. I want to be better. I dream of being better or being "whole" again. Of not feeling pain for one whole day. They ask if they can help but I don't know. How could they? I hardly understand myself, how could they?  No one understands. No one can ever understand. It's not like the flu...  someone can truly KNOW how it feels to have the flu. They can literally empathize with you...

When everything seems like it's falling apart, that's when God is putting things back together, just the way he wants it. This is where we start our comeback. I will spend no more time asking God why doors have been closed... because I'll be too busy praising God for doors that are about to open. And so it was... that she, having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised. - Hebrews 6:15 If it doesn't open, it's not a door. God's timing is perfect. Written: April 19, 2017

I hurt  And I'm always tired Inside and out I'm tired of being sick and left out  I'm tired of being a default choice  I'm tired of resenting family  I'm tired of not being taken care of  I'm tired of feeling like an inconvenience  I'm tired of trying sooo hard to get attention  I'm tired of trying to feel wanted  I'm tired of feeling like I'm not the girl for you  I'm tired of trying to convince myself I am  I'm tired of trying to be the girl I think you want  I'm tired of saying I'm fine when I'm clearly not  I'm tired of being unhappy  I'm tired of feeling alone in a full room  I'm tired of being alone in a marriage  I'm tired of supporting constantly and getting no support in return  I'm tired of the pain squeezing my heart daily  I'm tired of sobbing alone in bed  I'm tired of being this me  I'm tired of life  I'm just tired.  ...

Your vow to me was eternity, no death to tear us apart. And what a wonderful promise, for our happily ever to start. Soon I realized that it’s not about the end at all, Like it’s not about the storm, but watching the rain fall. Although inherently different from all of the rest, We knew we would be forever and eternally blessed. Vows were not written, but some seem misunderstood, I feel it necessary to tell you your vows and yes, you’ve done good. What really counts is what we put inside of this eternity. And in only one year, all these vows have been made known to me…. From before our special day, you’ve vowed to fill the holes in my heart, Vowing each and every day, showing me we’d never be apart. I thought that I could be happy, all on my own, But I couldn’t have possibly been more wrong. And you vowed to show me everything I never knew I needed, Giving your love, your passion, and desires unheed...

Chills in my veins. They're hollow and brittle, my spine shrinks away from my shivering heart. I feel numb and useless. my world isn't mine, people just live around me.

That morning, I knew my plot.  And I knew who I was. But a few things have changed since then. My pages are damp, ripping along the edges. Suddenly, all of my stars were falling and at that exact moment; everything. single. thing. about my story changed. Forever. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have,  for 6 months, and thousands of pages. For so long, I had a chapter that I couldn't read aloud. And suddenly, another chapter was added to that list. 100 pages. There are two types of pains; one that hurts you and others that change you. The pain I felt hanging on for the one thing that just dropped me...  Well, sometimes you get the brightest light from a burning bridge.  I was no longer a prisoner of something I couldn't change. And they tried to bury me, but didn't know I was a seed. I came to a point where I knew I needed to just fall apart. I needed the opportunity to rebuild myself t...

I can feel the hollowness in my chest, but everyone said it's for the best. And I'm out here drowning hiding my pain with smiles, never growing. And I watch with troubled eyes as you rest, and slip away with every breath. I stare at the stars above and wonder if I'm still the one you're dreaming of. Cuz underneath the darkness, my light is trying so hard to be seen... I know this, cuz there's a little bit shining through my seams. It's all been taken and I've never been so shaken. But if this is what it takes, I'll be the one to bear the pain. And if this is what it takes,  I'll build up the wall that won't ever break. You keep telling me that I'll be fine, but I'm barely treading water and you're never home on time. I don't even know what I'm trying to do, I just know, I'm a fool for you. Cuz underneath, this darkness, Our light is trying so hard to be seen. And I knew us...